Hadiqah’s4eyes

  It’s 12:21 a.m. Over forty minutes ago, I got the news that my friend is no more. I didn’t think I’d be writing now, at least not this soon. If you had asked me yesterday what my next post would be, I would’ve never imagined it would be a tribute. Not to an elderly person. Not to a distant acquaintance. But to my friend. My friend. My heart doesn’t feel heavy—maybe it’s too stunned to be. But my eyes ache from crying for over twenty minutes. Now I just feel…. You know when you don’t feel anyway because something is too much. I don’t know if I’ve even started to comprehend what I have just heard . I don’t even want to speak about her this way yet  I don’t want to speak about her now. I want to speak to her. 7:50 a.m. I just saw someone post: “You were kind to everyone around you.” Were? That word hit me. It doesn’t make sense. None of this does. 10:51 a.m. I saw she  was buried at 10 a.m. this morning. And just like that, it’s real. She really is gone. Writing has always...

  I’ve been trying to not write out of obligation. I’ve been waiting for the ideas to come to me on their own. Then I realized,I just may never write. I’m sorry I haven’t written in a while I promise I’m not giving up on writing. It’s always been like that for me. My interests have always been seasonal,  even when the interest are my dreams. My passion would usually start as a very bright fire,like the ones that people use to keep themselves warm in movies. But I somehow always end up splashing water on the fire, little by little—until it’s no longer enough to keep anyone warm. (wow that’s kind of poetic) I’m starting to understand that,to fully live your dreams,your goals and ambitions,they can’t be seasonal. They require you to do something every day in pursuit of them, whether you feel ready or not. You have to keep showing up. This doesn’t mean I’d post again next week and in two weeks and the week after. It just means that I would keep posting, even if I ever doubt t...